The Real Estate Clairvoyant

Carlo Melo see the future
Carlo Melo sees the future

BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER CLICK ON THE IMAGE FOR THE ULTRA CLOSEUP

In the difficult to predict, fast paced world of Real Estate investing it is nice to know that there are Realtors that use tactics as old as time itself to help their customers.  Take Sutton Group Realty’s very own Carlo Melo who is taking it old school with his advertising.  This sign says many things visually, look deep into his eyes and relax…yes relax…relaaaaax.  Your eyelids are getting heavy, you are very tired.   Good… you will buy this home and feel refreshed when you wake up.  You will completely lose the urge to smoke, the taste of Coca Cola is now revolting to you. This is not a bad realtor ad or bad realtor advertising

Schooled by the very hands of Criss Angel Mindfreak, if you can’t dazzle them with the brilliance of your product then baffle them with the Science of the Mind. Carlo can be seen selling Real Estate, appearing on Cruise Ships and the occasional Casino Show room, two clairvoyant hypnotism shows every Friday night.

http://www.carlomelo.com

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Yogi Katheran and the Flying Circus

Katheran Milne
The Amazing Levitation skills of Katheran Milne

Heard about Yogic flying? How about Realtic floating? Looking for a Realtor that literally rises above the rest?  A little magic the rest of the pack doesn’t possess or understand?   You would think that to get this type of thinking you would have to source a 38th level Scientologist but no my friend Katheran & Co will be there for you when you’re feeling a bit too grounded with real estate troubles.  Even the Great Blue Heron is in awe of her ability to lift up business around her service area, it really is a black & white choice.

Not since Larry Hagman  found Barbara Eden in that bottle has such a talent been unleashed on the human race and if you don’t see it well I’m sorry for what you are about to settle for, Yogi Katheran Milne,… err Realtor Katheran Milne and her Flying Circus put Monty Python to shame.  Even JLo herself doesn’t cast as great a shadow as Katheran does over this Industry.  Your first call in Powell River is to KFlo. This is not a bad realtor ad or bad realtor advertising

Platinum Nomination.

http://www.katheran.com/

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Little Miss Crabby Pants

Whoa Anna … looks like someone has their crabby pants on. Let’s just step back, take a deep breath and try to put on a happy face. Look, I’m not sure if you’re just not pleased with your chosen profession or the market is starting to feel like a little over-weight pool boy pulling your fingernails out with a dull needle-noose pliers, one at a time? Either way, it appears that career change may be in order.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I mean, you look like you could hold me down by the neck with a triple-leg lock tummy fold followed by a ten minute session of noogies, only stopping when the crown of my head is as red as a monkeys butt. No thank you.

Now, here’s another theory: you’re just a sweetheart, convinced by some over-worked, over-paid, under-skilled ad exec to play the role of real estate bitch. And, if that’s the case … well, it’s genius. Got me. I actually thought that you wanted to kick my … but you … then I … HA. You’re good Anna, real good. The heavenly gates of gold nominations have just opened up and guess what? There you are. MAUH! MAUH!

Just in case my theory isn’t 100% correct, let me just say that the black one piece jumpsuit looks lovely and … I bruise easy.

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Wanted: Lunatic stark raving mad fans that are willing to run naked in public forums, paint their faces with Real”ad”tor pride, scream puns at the top of their lungs and beat the crap out of the arch rival fans. If this sounds like you, click here.
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World Wide Wonders

I couldn’t think of a better way to kick-off 2010 than kicking off a new chapter in the Real”ad”tor Awards story. So, starting in 2010, we will now be taking website submissions. Yep, you’ve asked, and now you’ll receive. And, to be honest with you, I think the real talent is online anyway. WAIT … THAT WASN’T ME TYPING, SERIOUSLY.

Anywho, to wet your palate (just a bit) before the new year and let you know just where we’re going to set the bar, I thought I’d bring you a little teaser. It’s my pleasure to introduce none other than Earl & Marilyn Mendoza and their website. Which, by the way, is frickin’ sweet. Between the pleasing colors, modern layout and nifty navigation graphics, you will undoubtedly agree that they deserve nothing less than gold.

But … they did one better. They gave us a hook. Or rather, a little something to remember them by. The decided to cleverly merry there catchy headline, “Shopping For A Realtor?”, with a literal interpretation of just what they were talking about. Looks like Marilyn found herself a good deal on some Earl.

These two are a couple of characters. Bravo Home Team, Platinum it is.

Merry Chri … I Mean, Happy Holidays From Glen

You know what they say, you can’t improve upon perfection. So, rather than us muck up some holiday-esque greeting by alienating certain religions and over-emphasizing our love for Santa’s little helpers, we thought we’d take a ride on Mr. Kitto’s coattails. In fact, we’re just so dang pleased with his message, that we’re just going to let him say it.

Glen, the stage is yours.

Yeah … what he said. See you all on the flip side of this holiday thing.

BTW: Glen will be under the mistletoe at noon on the 24th for anyone interested in little tongue wrestling match before the long weekend.

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An Agent By Any Other Name …

If there is anything that I hope you can take away from this blog, it’s this: if your name is Steve, you’re done. As in, screwed, washed up, finished. But wait Steve, you’re not alone. In fact, if your name is Ted, Mary, Crawford, Joboo, Jimbo, Jane, Brian, T-bone, Jason … or whatever — you’re toast. Just pack up your pencils, aluminum signs and mortgage calculator and call it a day.

However, I repeat, HOWEVER. If you were so fortunate, so blessed, so fortuitous to be named John Albee … well then, you are in luck my friend. Because — John Albee is the ONLY name you need in real estate. And, if you’re smart (like Edie and Cynthia who, like many of us, weren’t so fortunate at birth), you’d jump on board the John Albee wagon. It’s heading to the promise land and these gals are riding it all the way to the end. Brilliant move ladies.

In an attempt to reach John Albee for comment, I was presented with a menu of Johns to pick from. In my brief moment of uncertainty, I panicked and quickly hit zero. When I was greeted by the receptionist, I asked her to tell the boys that they’ve got a platinum, which I’ve aptly renamed the “John Albee Platinum Nomination”.

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Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door

Oh, Steven. Steven, Steven, Steven … what are we going to do with you? I’m not a suit expert, but unless my eyes are playing tricks on me, that appears to be a three-button classic Ralph Lauren $3,995 suit, tailored in Italy from extra-fine wool, with a lean silhouette, slightly shortened rise and narrowed lapels, designed to flatter the ladies with a streamlined fit. But, then again, what do I know?

So, why don’t you have that puppy bagged? Wait … don’t tell me, I already know the answer. When you’re money, material possessions don’t matter.

Look, I get the whole “I won’t out-dress you” bit, but c’mon. A man with such exquisite taste in men’s wear? The stonewashed jean look didn’t fool me.

I’ll admit, the bitchin’ “half-hand in the tight-fit pocket” and mullet had me going for awhile. He’s just a good ‘ole boy, right? Yeah, nice try. Once I caught a glimpse of that lapel, I knew exactly what we were dealing with.

Well played Steven, well played. In addition to stealing a few laughs from your biggest fan, you’ve also stolen the coveted gold nomination. You are one smooth criminal my friend.

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Snow Day

Guess who? Well, if you guessed an outrageously witty and super smart real estate team from Iowa … you’re absolutely correct. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Doyle and Devoe — you complete me. I mean, aren’t they exactly what the real estate advertising world needs? Better yet, aren’t they exactly what WE need? The answer is an unequivocal “yes” people. YES.

This scene reminds me of a story. When I was just a little runt (when peeing in the snow was a favorite pastime), I’d often gather with my friends at our local sledding hill for a day of fun (D&D knows what I’m talking about). We’d start in the morning and finish when our moon boots froze over. On one particular outing, I was feeling rather confident in my ability to control the sleek dog sled. Rather than lie in the standard tummy position, I chose to be a hotdogger (much like little Mrs. Sunshine in the pink headband) and ride in the hang-five position. Considering this was pre-snowboarding, I thought the idea was quite innovative. I was wrong.

Look, not a year goes by and I hear about some kid, on some hill … well, it’s enough to make me sick. Moral of the story? Ride low and go slow. Yes — I know, I know. “Well, Doyle and Devoe are standing up on their sleds, why can’t I?” While that might be true, they’re professionals. There should have been a disclaimer. Shame on them.

D&D, I know exactly where I’m heading. I’m throwing on my long-johns, hopping on the toboggan and meeting you guys in the chalet. I’ve stuffed a little something gold in my snow pants that I’m just dying to show you.

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