Century 21 ? Oh my my

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Remember the Gold Jackets?  How about “We’re national but neighborly”?

Kiss away the $100’s of millions of advertising spent over decades establishing a brand that is synonymous with real estate in North America and all the popular culture references that reinforce this icon status, like in the Michael Keaton movie Betelgeuse for example.

Nope, in 2013 we are the outfit that handles your home like the toxic waste that it is and we admit we don’t need to be very bright to do it.  We are here to insult your intelligence by juxtaposing a physicist for a Realtor and completely changing our color scheme to further distance ourselves from our past success.  Even Hollywood B movie directors would give second thought to portraying Plutonium with a green glowing fluorescent light tube but Century 21 has. Sit back and relax as the Plan 9 from Outer Space realtors of Century 21 treat your home like the level 5 biohazard that it truly is, yellow caution tape and all. This is not a bad realtor ad or bad realtor advertising

Platinum Nomination for Brand Destruction

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World Wide Wonders

I couldn’t think of a better way to kick-off 2010 than kicking off a new chapter in the Real”ad”tor Awards story. So, starting in 2010, we will now be taking website submissions. Yep, you’ve asked, and now you’ll receive. And, to be honest with you, I think the real talent is online anyway. WAIT … THAT WASN’T ME TYPING, SERIOUSLY.

Anywho, to wet your palate (just a bit) before the new year and let you know just where we’re going to set the bar, I thought I’d bring you a little teaser. It’s my pleasure to introduce none other than Earl & Marilyn Mendoza and their website. Which, by the way, is frickin’ sweet. Between the pleasing colors, modern layout and nifty navigation graphics, you will undoubtedly agree that they deserve nothing less than gold.

But … they did one better. They gave us a hook. Or rather, a little something to remember them by. The decided to cleverly merry there catchy headline, “Shopping For A Realtor?”, with a literal interpretation of just what they were talking about. Looks like Marilyn found herself a good deal on some Earl.

These two are a couple of characters. Bravo Home Team, Platinum it is.

An Agent By Any Other Name …

If there is anything that I hope you can take away from this blog, it’s this: if your name is Steve, you’re done. As in, screwed, washed up, finished. But wait Steve, you’re not alone. In fact, if your name is Ted, Mary, Crawford, Joboo, Jimbo, Jane, Brian, T-bone, Jason … or whatever — you’re toast. Just pack up your pencils, aluminum signs and mortgage calculator and call it a day.

However, I repeat, HOWEVER. If you were so fortunate, so blessed, so fortuitous to be named John Albee … well then, you are in luck my friend. Because — John Albee is the ONLY name you need in real estate. And, if you’re smart (like Edie and Cynthia who, like many of us, weren’t so fortunate at birth), you’d jump on board the John Albee wagon. It’s heading to the promise land and these gals are riding it all the way to the end. Brilliant move ladies.

In an attempt to reach John Albee for comment, I was presented with a menu of Johns to pick from. In my brief moment of uncertainty, I panicked and quickly hit zero. When I was greeted by the receptionist, I asked her to tell the boys that they’ve got a platinum, which I’ve aptly renamed the “John Albee Platinum Nomination”.

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Punch Drunk

Do you know what’s better than being witness to a man and his loving wife reviewing some documents of extreme importance? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. The fact that we are able to witness this moment of marital bliss in a print ad is simply breathtaking.

Wait, there’s so much more. The gifts. They just keep on coming.

Punch. Not Steve. Not John, or Albert, or Farnsworth. Punch. I think Rod Stewart said it best, “Some guys have all the luck”. And just what do you do when you’re blessed with parents who have such incredible taste in names? You honor them by purchasing a personalized phone number. 416.PUNCH.ME. Don’t mind if I do. Where does the line begin my friend? I hate you for being perfect Punch.

And, because perfection just isn’t good enough for these two, Punch, and the lovely Missis, decided to rub a little salt in the wound by displaying what appears to be two Emmy’s. The son’s of bitches.

Well, I hate to do it, but I must. I’m FedExing a platinum nomination for the two of you to review and sign. Yet another trophy to add to your collection. Yippee.

Let’s all thank Jason Allen for sending us this little reminder of just how much the rest of us suck.

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Giving Thanks to the Advertising Gods

doyle_billboard-11Brace yourself folks, they’ve done it yet again! This is becoming so unfair that I’m considering breaking the competition into teirs of double A, triple A and the majors. Clearly, Goliath has some deep pockets and it appears that they’re stealing the best creative talent in the industry by offering the promise of Real”ad”tor awards and fresh corn on the cob. Does that sound like any pin stripe baseball team that you know?

They did they work, so it’s only fair that I give them the review. Let’s just get the obvious out of the way, it’s platinum. Duh.

The Pilgrims outfits are adorable. The painted red faces are offensive, but brilliant. The emotionless expressions depress me, but tell the story. The Native American wardrobes (along with wigs) look 100% authentic. And, the headline is heartfelt, yet persuasive. There! I love it, alright? Are you happy D&D? Now go put crappy ad together so we can all get a good night sleep knowing that you’re human.

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Rich the Recording Artist

Call me old fashion, but when it comes advertising, nothing beats a freshly-painted pun on a bus bench, grossly-enlarged portraits on a billboard and the “Screw it, it’s already at the printer” typos on the printed page. So, needless to say, when Rich Fravel (yes, the Rich from “Rich the Realtor” fame) sent me his YouTube video, I was less than enthused. Against my better judgment, I gave in and hit the play button. With my preconceived judgment meter already set to lame, it was going to take a minor miracle to get me stimulated. I must admit, as soon as I heard those drum sticks clapping together, I knew I was in for a treat.

This catchy little tune with it’s psychedelic backdrop had me not only tapping my toes, but also simultaneously reaching for my hookah pipe and bag of ganja (the medicinal kind of course). After Rich and his record label (no one could have pulled this off as an independent) had me whistling the chorus all afternoon, I couldn’t help but find myself at iTunes looking for additional tracks. Much to my surprise, it looks like he is in fact an Indy artist (appearing to make money as a real-estate agent on the side) and has yet to sign with a major label (Sony, Warner, Universal? You catching what I’m throwing at you?). That said, it appears that with his Vespa, sporty shades and magic lock-box, Rich is doing just fine on his own. And, just to make life a little bit sweeter, we’ll be presenting him with a Platinum nomination at the 2010 VMA’s. DEE-lux!

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Rollin’ with the homies

doyle_billboard-8Let me start by saying congratulations! Not to the Doyle and Devoe team (they already know how fortunate they are and we’ll get to them in a minute) but rather, to the lovely followers of the Real”ad”tor Awards. You, my fan faithfuls, are becoming witness to an unprecedented back-to-back sweep of platinum nominated ads by the same real-estate team. It’s an incredible feat to say the least! I’ll be honest, I’ve spent many nights imaging what I would say if I were alive to witness this modern day miracle. Now, as we’re in the moment, I’m at a loss for words. I think it’s probably due in large part to the range of the emotions I feel – delight, pride, jealousy, love, you name it. Once the tears have dried, hopefully we can all embrace the significance of this historic occasion.

Doyle and Dovoe, what can I say? When you’ve got it, you’ve got it. And, your timing was impeccable. Looking at your ad, I’m reminded of the recent battle of Lance Armstrong and the rest of the American cyclists in the 2009 Tour de France. Unfortunately, neither Armstrong nor his comrades took home the first place purse of over $3.5 million, however, had they had access to the gear you guys are sporting (tandems, training wheels, pegs, etc.), I feel confident that the results would have been different. Regardless, you guys take top prize with us (that’s another platinum nomination, this time with matching platinum bike shirts).

Before I dust off my Schwin 10-speed, throw your winnings in my wicker basket and join you guys for a stroll, I’ll need a urine sample from all of you. Sorry, just need to make sure you’re playing by the rules.

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Somewhere Over the Rainbow

doyle_billboard-12Yes, yes, YES!!! About freckin’ time someone flushes out this concept! I mean, that headline has just been sitting there with a golden bow wrapped around it, begging for it to be plagiarized (And, I’m referring to the good kind of plagiarism). What took the real-estate community so long to figure this out? Give it to Doyle and Devoe (yes, the same group that brought you this beauty), who not only capitalized on the headline, but also managed to coax the original cast members to show up for the photo shoot. There is a God and he apparently lives in Iowa.

Question: The tension between Dorothy and the Wicked Witch appears to be over. Can someone please address this?

Question: Did you guys help Dorothy relocate to Iowa from Kansas?

Question: What are you guys going to wear to this years Platinum nomination ceremony?

That’s right, put on your ruby slippers, grab your can of oil, hop on your flying monkeys and get up to Minneapolis for the awards show, you’re all invited (and so is your little dog Toto too).

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Hundred’s of Happy Clients and Counting

Mom NEW AdAlright, so it’s been over a week, what can I say … I’m sorry. Wish I could tell you that I was in Cozumel, sucking worms out of tequila bottles and getting in fist fights with the local folk. But unfortunately, the reality is much less pleasant than that. Truth be told, Jessie has had me in a complete tailspin this past week. I’ll be honest, when her ad first crossed my desk, I couldn’t quite grasp the brilliance that is this women. Yeah, the cartoonish color scheme is awesome, but I just couldn’t find the hook. After running it through a battery of analysis tests, I finally gave up. Just when I thought all was lost, I woke up to an epiphany! Grin and Let Jessie Barrett! YES! Of course, it’s a play on words and it’s hilarious! In fact, it’s so funny that my week long streak of belly laughing prevented me from concentrating enough to write. Let Jessie Barrett! YOU. ARE. SO. FUNNY!

And, how about those hundreds of happy clients you have? Well, we called each and every one of them and it turns out they were right again. They said — platinum. We said — you bet.

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