Erotic Recard

For only $6.95 per minute, Allyse will tell you all of her naughty little real estate secrets.

Wanna know what happens at a private showing when the homeowners are away? Do you like taking part in buyer/seller role play? Call the cougar, she’s waiting to hear from you.

Grrrrowl for me Allyse.

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Recreational Recard

Does he look familiar to you? He should. Tim is among the top 10 most wanted at the Cabela’s headquarters. Apparently, he’s wanted in connection to a heist involving several store props. They’re offering a life-time supply of venison jerky to anyone who can provide tips that lead to his arrest.

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Big Announcement! And, Good Deed For The Day

Alright, just a couple quick pieces of house cleaning:

First, we get that not everyone has what it takes to develop a righteous real estate ad, and that’s ok. That’s why we’ve decided to reduce the cost of entry (so-to-speak). Alright, big announcement time, where the hell is “Rich the Realtor” with those clapping drumsticks? Anyway … we’re happy to announce that we are now accepting business card submissions for an all new category of awards. Details are still a bit fuzzy, but, what I can tell you is that we expect an extremely high level of creativity. Please see our lovely Orlando princess to get an idea of what we consider acceptable. BTW: Although she’s able to stand on calm waters without breaking a sweat, Jennifer is terrified of making eye contact with the flash of the camera. (JENNIFER! CLICK, CLICK … Sorry, I’m only playing with you). The team of Real”ad”tor judges are standing by, so send them, NOW.

One last item to cover before we skedaddle. While rummaging through some old files this week, we came across an ad with an exorbitant amount of potential. Rather than write Mrs. Russo off, we thought we spit out a few quick suggestions and see if she has the goods to be an All-American Real”ad”tor. After all, these are our goals, and as she states, they’re now her priorities. We’re going to go quick dear, so you may want to take abbreviated notes:

• Maybe try a hint of gray, just to add some contrast.
• Consider incorporating a poodle into your photo.
• Quadruple the point size of your accomplishments. In fact, to make more room for your achievements, you may want to let your hair down.
• You need a pun. Try this one on for size: “Call me when your up Pit(man) Creek”. That one’s free. Run with it.
• And finally … try tinted lenses. It would just look cool!

Good luck and Godspeed.