Sex Sells

Rich Wanket Masturbatory Genius

Now we here at the Real “Ad” tor Awards are not the most worldly bunch being that we are stuck behind work stations going over stacks of nominations on a daily basis however we think we know when we are being conned.  Imagine our surprise when this gem stuck out like a The Onion op-ed piece for believability yet turned out to be REAL.  Yes we have seen a lot of women paying the SEX card but not too many men step up to the challenge like Rich Will Wanket has.

Rich the masturbatory genius real estate agent of Minneapolis Minnesota and formerly of Edina Realty can be found showing homes, holding open houses and defending himself from public indecent act charges all over town.  His prudish ex-brokerage didn’t feel the love for Rich’s ejaculating sense of humor and fired him as a Realtor on the spot but Rich has sworn he will flick the dust off, resist the temptation to choke his old broker and pound the pavement looking for a new brokerage where he will rub out the competition.

Nominated for a Hall of Fame Award for Lifetime Achievement in Real Estate Advertising

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Ricki Ricki Bang Bang

Call me a clown, but nothing quite tickles my tummy as much as the old gunfighter finger move. It’s just a riot! And, it’s a move that’s been perfected by Long & Foster’s very own, Ricki Gerger.

As Mrs. Gerger demonstrates, to pull this off effectively (which means putting your friends in hysteric laughter), you need to make sure that you fully extend the index and thumb to their absolute maximum. Next — and this is the real secret — hunch your shoulders and cock your head just slightly for full impact. It’s that simple. Now, go home, practice in front of the mirror and incorporate this into your next ad. Success will surely come your way.

As for you, Mrs. Gunslinger, while this isn’t a typical real estate ad, I would be remiss not to recognize your talent and reward you for your excellence. You’re receiving the coveted silver “bullet” nomination. BANG! BANG! Back at you.

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